By Swopnil Devkota
Photos by: Pranish Shrestha
One day some time ago, I was thinking on how I could tell my grandma that I was planning to go on a date in the evening – the third date with my favourite guy. My grandma held conventional beliefs, and I knew she wouldn’t let me date someone at that age and at that time. But who really cares at that time? I was in my teenhood, and the only important thing for me was to go on that date no matter what.
Now about my mom and dad! They were living abroad and basically out of my mind and heart. My grandma had said that my parents had abandoned me at her doorstep right after my birth because they had thought they were not ready to take care of me. I had met them just once or twice a long time ago. They’ve never tried building a relation with me, and there has never been a connection between us. I even don’t remember how they look anymore.
That evening, my best friend was hosting a birthday party, and I planned to go on the date at the pretext of joining her birthday bash. She also agreed to help me by furnishing misleading information in case of my grandma’s interrogation about my whereabouts.
“They snatched my identity and purity from me and left me with scars that will not recover ever. I was not being able to handle the pain, and I was breaking piece by piece, inch by inch, and day by day.”
So, with a plan to make a lie, I started getting ready. Despite not having good skills in doing make-ups, I applied some foundation, mascara, and eyeliner. So, struggling with many products and after trying three to four dresses, I finally got ready at around 6 p.m. I got into a red velvet gown with matching pearl earrings, red lip gloss, and red heels. I usually don’t find myself pretty, but that day, I was looking ‘damn pretty’. Even my grandma sang a song on my beauty. She said that I was looking like an angel who was ready to slay everyone.
After getting ready, I made a phone call to Devesh but found him being busy in another call. So, I called his brother Sushil who stays with him most of the times. Unlike Devesh, Sushil is the guy who always acts smart despite not being so and has earned a bad reputation in the school. I call him Anaconda because he has a long neck, blunt hair, dark-black eye and awfully white teeth visible with his evil smile. It’s not that I despise his looks; it’s just the type of vibes he gives me whenever I am near him.
“In the morning, my whole body was aching, and I was experiencing a pain in between my legs. When I looked underneath the cover, I realised I was stark naked. I got petrified. “Was I was raped?” I thought.”
As soon as I went inside the cafe, I was engulfed in its enticing aroma, and the smell of coffee and food was driving me crazy. On the other hand, I was getting lost in my own thoughts – the imaginary line of conversation that I had planned to have with Devesh that evening. At one point in time, I thought of placing an order, but in the next moment, I decided to wait for him. I actually wanted not to miss his boyish smile that he always displays whenever he meets me. So, I waited for him.
Without placing an order for food and being entangled in the same line of thoughts, I continued waiting for Devesh, but he did not appear. Two hours had already passed but there were no traces of him. At that time, I was surprised to see Sushil instead. He came around and took a seat right before me. He smiled at me, but I ignored his gesture because I’ve never felt comfortable or safe when he is around.
“Devesh will be here soon,” he said, “He has gone to a hospital to see Monisha”.
I asked, “Why? What happened?”
He replied, “She met with an accident.”
I sensed something was definitely wrong because if Monisha (Devesh’s eldest sister) was in the hospital, then what was Sushil doing with me. I believed he also should have been in the hospital. But in the next moment, I guessed he was there to give me company and also thought if he was not that bad as I had analysed.
Sushil offered me a glass of juice, and at its first sight, after it was served, I heard my stomach growling with hunger because I hadn’t eaten anything. After all, I was super excited to meet Devesh. So, I hurriedly drank the juice. Sushil flashed me with a smile watching me drink like that. And as usual, he started boasting about himself.
After some time, I started feeling uncomfortable; something was going wrong inside my body. Suddenly, I also started experiencing a severe headache, and I was feeling a bit drowsy. I was also not being able to open my eyes and breathe at ease. In the next moment, I felt Sushil holding me and calling my name, and I was feeling disgusting because he was touching me. Very soon, I found him carrying him and taking somewhere, and within minutes, I passed out.
When I opened my eyes, it was morning already, and I was neither in the cafe nor in any place that I had known before. I didn’t even how I got there. Everything was so bright around me, and my head was heavy and aching. Much to my astonishment, I was experiencing a pain in between my legs.
Then, I slowly lifted the cover off my body. I looked underneath the cover and realised that I had no clothes on, I was stark naked. I got petrified. “Was I was raped?” I thought. I started taking deep breaths and tried recalling what might have happened last night but to no avail. I just got some flashbacks of Sushil laughing and touching me on the body parts I would never want him to.
“Oh my god! No, please no…This can’t be true,” I prayed, and I questioned, “How can Sushil do this to me? I was dating his brother and he loved me.” My tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was getting very angry with Devesh and Sushil.
I got up and looked around the room. I found my clothes piled beside the bed. I got dressed in a jiffy and ran out of the room and reached the school. I searched for Devesh but he was not there. I made multiple phone calls but he didn’t receive my calls. I felt so helpless and dirty, and I started crying, but no one came forward to help me; they kept on looking at me instead.
After a few minutes, Poojan came towards me, enveloped me in his arms and asked what had happened. Poojan is my friend, and he is not like Devesh, but the incident that had already destroyed my honour compelled me not to have faith in others easily because I had blindly trusted Devesh, and he did something that I had never thought of.
Later, I understood that Devesh was the mastermind behind all these. Sushil had wanted to have me, but I had rejected him. So, he had asked Devesh for a help and they plotted it. They snatched my identity and purity from me and left me with scars that will not recover ever. I was not being able to handle the pain, and I was breaking piece by piece, inch by inch, and day by day. I was not being able to keep myself away from the recollections of the incident. It was difficult for me to live in the same city; thus, I left the country and let my grandma live all alone. I came to San Francisco and even changed my name.
Sometimes, I wish to go back to the past so that I could have avoided the circumstances that had let me get in close with that devil, and I still struggle accepting that he didn’t do such wrong to me, but it was the truth – “The Bitter Truth of My Life”.