Pornography Can Ruin Your Sex Life

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Text by Akriti Ranabhat

I am Suresh, and I am in my late 20s now. I was 17 when I first watched a porn, and I continued watching porn ‘almost daily’.

After 5 years of watching it on daily basis, one day, I realized that I was not only getting sick of the habit but I was also not performing well in bed. Thus, I, along with my peers, decided to commit a 30-day ‘reboot’ fasting from porn.

I strictly obeyed my commitment. Within few days, I started to experience strong cravings for watching porn and had dreams about it too – not the dreams of me having sex but the dreams of me watching porn. Despite the cravings, I prevented myself from watching porn.

Believe it or not, instead for having desires to watch porn, my desire to have real sex returned.

After the 30th day, I watched a porn, and this was the time when I realized that I had changed. I had begun to believe porn as ‘less attractive’ and ‘fake’.

Porn had a strong impact in my sex life, and now, I am better off not watching it. I think I can seal a real deal now.

 

Suresh was one of the experimenters who discontinued watching porn for a month, in an attempt to find out how their habit of watching porn was affecting their sex and marital lives. The 30-days long self-experimentation was implemented to find out why their sex partners were not satisfied with them, and why they had entirely lost their charm on sex.

After the experiment, they all came to one conclusion: “We were watching too much porn, and the habit had wrecked us all.”

Watching porn is as harmless as watching steaming scene in any normal movie but making it a habit isn’t. In terms of wrecking the sex life, it can be devastating.

“Overcoming porn addiction can be much more difficult than nullifying addiction of cocaine,” various researches suggest, “Once addiction overcomes, chemical processes in the mind develop complications which creates difficulties in developing a healthy sexuality again.”

Watching porn stimulates ‘arousal centers’ in the brain, and releases hormones. The brain associates the sexual arousal with an image, an idea, a video or even a person, meaning, a porn addict can’t get aroused just by his spouse. It’s identical to the development of ‘liking to polygamy’ in the brain.

Bonding of porn addicts with their spouses or partners gets jumbled up when they have liking to watch other people ‘having sex’ while they are sexually active themselves. Natural drive that they have for sex is transferred somewhere else, and now, their spouses are not the ones who turn them on.

While watching porn, one does not have to make an effort to arouse someone because the actors in the porn are already turned on, and sexual arousal in the viewer triggers automatically. While in real life, the one who usually watches porn do not make a serious attempt to create sexual arousal in sex partner, and if the spouse or the sex partner does not easily get aroused, they blame their sex partners for being sexually dysfunctional.

‘Arousal centers’ and ‘pleasure centers’ in our brain are supposed to associate sex with physical pleasure and a real sense of intimacy. But with porn, the intimacy doesn’t happen. Someone who has watched porn extensively often experience a difficult time experiencing any intimacy during sex because now, the sex becomes only about ‘the body’ and not about ‘intimacy’.

Pornography also programs the brain to have higher expectations because porn teaches that sex is all about the body, and not about the intimacy. So the only way to get a greater ‘high’ or ‘buzz’ is to watch weirder porn. While real life sexual intercourse is not actually weird or rough like in the movies, the person who watches hardcore porn starts to get a warped view of what sex really is.

Usually, a person watching porn reaches his orgasm very quickly because while watching porn, he stimulates his sexual organs with an intention to masturbate. The habit of quick climaxing reflects in real sex life too because the body and the mind of a porn lover is not trained in enjoying the real sexual pleasures. Thus, many people who frequently watch porn suffer from premature ejaculation, ejaculation of semen during sexual intercourse before or immediately after penetration.

Sex, actually, is supposed to bond sex partners physically, emotionally or spiritually but porn teaches that only certain type of bodies are ‘beautiful’ and ‘attractive’. As a result, if a porn lover sees his sex partner gaining ten pounds, then for him, she’s no longer an attractive woman, and he experiences difficult time in getting aroused because he associates sexual arousal with only a certain type of body. Thus, many people who frequently watch porn retreat into a life of masturbation.

It is true that pornography excites you, arouse you, and get your hormones flowing but it can also ruin your real sex life, and pretty much wreck your relationship. In this era when everything is being summed up for the screen, the real healthy bonding is being replaced.

The writer is an intern at Chitwan Medical College and Teaching Hospital.

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